Page of the Most High Judicator
Arbiter of the Cosmic Fringe (and Occasional Cosmic Paperweight)

HELLO (in the most grandiose, welcoming tone you can imagine),

You have stumbled—perhaps purposefully, perhaps by sheer cosmic miscalculation—upon the domain of the Most High Judicator (MHJ), galactic liaison and part-time enthusiast of really good tea. The MHJ exists to bring harmony, logic, and a splash of absurdity to the glorious chaos of the Solar System. Think of it as a universal referee but with better robes.

Founded in 2006 in the Pacific Northwest of the United States, "Purpleism" is an absurdist philosophy embodied by the satirical "Church of the Pure Purple," celebrating absurdity, intellectual curiosity, and boundless open-mindedness. It was created out of a frustration for the things that make the human experience less pleasant.

Purpleists believe purple is the color of wisdom, creativity, and mystery, and represents the balance between the extremes of "red" and "blue". 

Here, the MHJ ensures that all beings, whether they’ve come for sightseeing or just taken a wrong turn at Alpha Centauri, coexist peacefully under the banner of interstellar goodwill (and possibly a little confusion).

The Precepts of the MHJ (because every cosmic role needs a snazzy set of rules):

Universal Accord
All beings are to act with respect and tolerance—no matter how many tentacles, exoskeletons, or overly ambitious egos they might have. Violators will be fined a sense of self-worth or a very stern talking-to.

Protection of Earth
Earth’s well-being is top priority because, frankly, it’s the MHJ’s favorite planet (have you seen penguins?). Galactic visitors must play nice and bring their best intentions—or risk expulsion to the nearest asteroid field.

Exploration of Truth
Knowledge is currency, and everyone’s encouraged to share it. Unless, of course, it’s a poorly conceived conspiracy theory, in which case, kindly keep it to yourself.

Balance and Judgement
The MHJ is the galaxy’s go-to for settling disputes, from petty squabbles over asteroid parking spaces to full-blown interplanetary misunderstandings. All rulings are final, balanced, and occasionally hilarious.

The Purple Principle
A creed of absurd joy, empathy, and balance governs all decisions. If it doesn’t bring a smile, a solution, or at least a bit of existential amusement, it probably isn’t Purple enough.

A Message from the MHJ:

"In the symphonic cacophony of the universe, Earth is the oboe (Contrabass oboe? didgeridoo?): a little peculiar but undeniably important. Let us honor its melodies and nurture its quirks. Travel gently, laugh often, and remember—purple isn’t just a color; it’s a way of life."

Responsibilities and Requests
The MHJ invites all beings—terrestrial, extraterrestrial, and those somewhere in between—to submit questions, seek resolutions, or simply share a good cosmic joke. Requests are handled in order of importance, where "importance" is loosely defined by the MHJ’s mood and the availability of snacks.

If you have pressing matters—or even vaguely interesting ones—please relay them through the appropriate cosmic channels.
On second thought, maybe don’t.
This page already looks busy enough...