Purpleism.org - Church of the Pure Purple
I keep forgetting to mention this, and its so important, I'm sure.
- Two common themes exhibit themselves in failed relationships:
- Love someone for themselves, not for who they "should" be, or for who one wants them to be;
- Find a way to communicate to your partner, Exactly, as precisely as possible anyway. Who it IS that you are? Who are they?
- If a relationship is over, treat the other person as who you knew them to be when you entered the relationship, until all involved know what is going on and you have both moved on.
- Having "affairs" with a third party, unbeknowst to the original party, is unacceptable and unkind.
- Treat your Significant Other as your friend. Because if they aren't your friend, why are you in a relationship with them.
- Secrets in a relationship are okay and can be healthy. Do not treat them, or turn them into, something that is unhealthy.
End of relationships
- As people, we can endure until we can no longer endure. We may have the best of intentions but we can only do what we can do. This is a time in life, or a relationship, where it's hard to not act like a drowning swimmer, pulling down anyone trying to put a stop to the drowning. And it can have that affect on the other in a relationship.
We should expect to be treated respect, and accept no less. We should expect our significant other is our friend and nothing less. They and we, should treat one another with respect and compassion. When this stops happening, there is nothing to do, the relationship has ended and all the rest is just dancing around that fact, typically making things more and more difficult as time drags on. Good people tend to make this transition go as smoothly as possible.
It's of paramount importance at times like these that we treat our best friend, as friend and not adversary. Openness helps, but is not always forthcoming. Having and maintaining humor is so important, as that can be the one thing that can help you survive these things. That and maintaining distance, standing back, viewing it all from as detached a point of view as possible. An almost impossible thing to achieve at times like this. Since the closer we get to our own issues, the harder they are to deal with.
In the end, the sooner we uncover and accept whatever reality is, the less stress, disappointment, and unhappiness everyone involved will go through. but sometimes things aren't what they seem. Sometimes things work out, if we can all let out in the open what is really going on and learn from it. Other times, they are what they seem and yet, after it's all over, life somehow, is better. Something that is frequently hard to see until a ways down the road when the healing begins.
Updated: December 30, 2009